Sharing My Story

My name is Herman Christy. My wife Hanby lived with an incurable cancer for 39 months. Hanby passed away on June 25, 2008. My life changed on that day.

Ribbon of Hope had been part of her life since she was diagnosed in April 2005. Hanby would receive phone calls and cards from Ribbon of Hope during her illness. When Hanby passed I started to get the phone calls and cards. It helped to know that someone cared about how I was doing.
One day Ken (the Program Director) called to see if I would be interested in meeting for breakfast once a week. I was a little skeptical. I really didn’t want to go, but I told him I would. I made a good decision. Meeting with Ken and Ernie has been great. We talk about lots of things and we are able to talk about how we are doing in our journey of grief. Ribbon of Hope is a blessing to all. They are there to help us get through this difficult time in our lives.

Those of us who have lost someone to cancer are on a journey now to rebuild our lives. We will learn how to live with grief from day to day. Our normal life has been disrupted. We all have to find a new normal life. I have learned through grief classes in the last year that talking about Hanby and allowing the tears to come whenever helps with my healing process. I will shed tears any place any time. I don’t hide them, I let them flow. Whenever I feel down or alone I journal. I write to Hanby and tell her what is going on in my life. Sometimes I tell her how much I miss her or how I still love her. I think about the memories we made together. I know I will never forget Hanby because of all those loving memories. But I will move forward and make new memories for myself.

I believe I will mourn Hanby for the rest of my life. As time goes by the mourning will not be as intense as it has been, and I will learn how to live with it. There will always be something that will trigger her memory and I will shed a few tears for Hanby. I know you don’t want to think about the future without your loved one, but some day things will get better and your mourning will start to turn to joy again.

Don’t be macho and think you can heal by yourself. You can’t. Call Ribbon of Hope and talk to Ken or Loretta or whoever is available for you. Let them help you through your grief. Healing will be much easier if you allow yourself to grieve and be involved with other people.

May all of you take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this journey.

By Herman Christy.